Where Is Your SysAdmin
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<body><p>From <a href="mailto:Dino.Novak@public.srce.hr">Dino Novak</a> on Fri, 7 Jun 1996 14:48:07 +0200 (MET DST)<br><h2>(fwd) Where is your sysadmin?</tt></h2><p><pre>
Path: CARNet.hr!student!hvulin
From: hvulin@student.math.hr (Hrvoje Vulin)
Newsgroups: hr.rec.humor,hr.comp
Subject: Where is your sysadmin?
Date: 24 May 1996 09:13:01 GMT
Organization: University of Zagreb, Dept. of Mathematics
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101 REASONS
Why You Can't Find Your System Administrator
Compiled by the readers of alt.sysadmin.recovery
1. They are hiding under the stairs
2. They are on holiday for the first time in 5 years
3. They are in the cellars conducting the rituals to keep the
machines running
4. They are in hospital suffering from an overdose of caffeine
5. Taken away by the police after killing the last user who asked a
stupid question
6. "You *have* a system administrator ?"
7. Walked past the table they were gibbering under
8. The SysAdmin has built a maze with the door to their office at the
center
9. You *are* the system administrator
10. Missed seeing the system administrator asleep under their desk
11. The admin is chained to their desk in a dungeon only the CEO has
the key for.
12. Having to explain to the management why they need an asistant.
13. The admin is suffering so bad from sleep deprivation that they may
as well not be there for all the sense you can make of the words
they are saying.
14. You are afraid that the admin will use you as a punch bag so you
are searching for them, but desperately pray that you don't find
them.
15. The admin came to work disguised as a tea boy to avoid talking to
users
16. The admin electroculted themselves whilst installing some cabling
near the main power cable. Since the admin's body is the only
thing keeping the power flowing, the management boarded up the
body and pretended they still had a system administrator.
17. Stuck in a lift shaft pulling network cable to another floor
18. Getting Jolt out of their under-floor cache
19. Hiding on the roof
-- Simon Burr simes@tcp.co.uk
1073788088. (S)he's looking up the BOFH excuse of the day.
1073788089. (S)he's out buying some caffeine.
1073788090. (S)he's busy installing xfishtank on the main fileserver.
-- Mark D. Roth roth@uiuc.edu
1073788091. (S)he's out buying refills for the Nerf(TM) crossbow.
1073788092. (S)he's locked in the computer room playing Deathmatch.
-- Dennis J. Preston Jr dpresto@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com
1073788093. Booted to DOS and is playing doom across the network.
1073788094. Went to Stop&Go to get ANOTHER case of _insert favorite
caffinated beverage here_
1073788095. Went to the room with padded walls that nobody dares open
when the door's closed.
1073788096. Managed to find time to sleep for an hour or two.
1073788097. Just found out he had a two month old child, and is
getting re-aquainted with his SO (and the new child)
1073788098. is playing netrek.
1073788099. Is in the hospital after being severly injured by a
falling soda can mountain.
-- William S. Duncanson caesar@earth.ops.neosoft.com
1073788100. Is closeted with boss trying to explain why (s)he uploaded
a user to seven.rings.of.hell.com
1073788101. (s)he's at the hopital having his/her fingers splinted
after typing 100 times NO you cannot use your old address after
our domain name changes. Please go read the announcements that we
have been posting for the last three months.
-- Marge Robbins mrobbins@netins.net
1073788102. (S)he's catching twenty winks under the floorboards, tread
gingerly.
1073788103. (S)he's watching the building electrician trip a circuit
breaker that will reduce the company 'frame to rainbow colored
slag,
1073788104. (S)he's out by the turnpike waiting for a case of Jolt to
bounce out of the truck after it hits the speed bump.
1073788105. Is out back beating a luser into corn mash who asked "When
will the system be back up" one time too many.
1073788106. Finished a double shift and is out back wondering what
that big burning ball in the sky is.
1073788107. Is busy packing up to go to a site that has contemporary
hardware
1073788108. Is engaged in a staring contest with a pack of evil dogs
1073788109. Is on the phone trying to talk his wife out of buying a
house without ISDN
-- The Unknown SysAdmin The8thMan@aol.com
1073788110. (S)he's sitting under the desk, hysterical at what the
(l)user just asked.
1073788111. (S)he's at the pub, it's all *too* much.
- Andrea Gibney a.gibney@mailbox.uq.oz.au
1073788112. (S)he's standing behind you, holding an axe.
1073788113. (S)he resigned in disgust five minutes ago.
1073788114. (S)he's in a meeting with the boss to discuss poor user
response times.
-- Ade Rixon ajr@rheidol.elsevier.co.uk
1073788115. Just look up at the ceiling (Think 'Aliens')
-- Grant Denkinson Grant.Denkinson@nottingham.ac.uk
1073788116. (s)he can't be reached via phone or e-mail becuase (s)he
is too busy on usenet telling everybody how busy (s)he is or
thinking up 101 reasons why (s)he can't be found.
-- D. Allen Bassham abassham@svm.com
1073788117. (s)he is hiding under a table so that (s)he will not be
the one sitting for hours watching Ultrix reinstall from a
single-speed CDROM because the users who inexplicably have root
access have destroyed the filesystem *again* during a misguided
attempt to "improve" /etc/rc by repartitioning the disk at boot
time "so that it doesn't forget".
-- Matt Bandy m-bandy@uiuc.edu
1073788118. (S)he's in the bathroom... masterbating
-- dbryant@netcom.com
1073788119. We have a 'secure room' here - bloody great lock on it. I
hide in there :)
-- Rob Wheeler rob@pypers.demon.co.uk
1073788120. The Grey Wall(tm) has fallen on them and no one has
noticed their absence. [clunk,clunk,help!,anyone?]
1073788121. They've gone to find some more coffee. Sysadmin has left
the building!
-- Matt Haswell ccdmlh@zippy.dct.ac.uk
1073788122. they've snapped, started muttering about "this damned post
office", and left for the nearest gun store
1073788123. they're out on an interview
1073788124. they're seeing a therapist who doesn't have any computers
in their office, a non-threatening place.
1073788125. they've gone to a computer museum to beg for parts for the
PDP-10s running the place (ala Compuserve).
1073788126. they're out looking for an ad in any media where DEC
mentions OpenVMS
1073788127. they're planning where to be on 01/01/2000, when all of
the MVS systems, and some older minis in mission-critical
applications like process control turn to crap. They may be
shopping for a bomb shelter if SAC's launch control systems only
have a two-digit year.
1073788128. they're at a travel agent's, booking a vacation to
friendlier place, like Iraq.
1073788129. they're out fomenting rumors that the Windows 95 cd-roms
have the Church of Scientology's copyrighted teachings hidden on
the disk.
1073788130. They're meeting with Guido, to put out a contract on the
parties that started the open systems myth.
1073788131. They've gone to Oklahoma City, to enroll in the FAA's Air
Traffic Controller training program, to start a less-stressful
career.
1073788132. They're seeing a commodities broker, to arrange direct
deposit of their paychecks into buying coffee bean futures.
-- Gerald (Jerry) R. Leslie jleslie@dmccorp.com
1073788133. /pub/lunch
-- Gary "Wolf" Barnes gkb@aber.ac.uk
1073788134. look better. He/She is probably in the basement somewhere
behind the modem racks.
1073788135. _finally_ took a day off.
1073788136. It's 9 AM. He/she is not working that late.
1073788137. Vendor demonstration
1073788138. Convinience store across the street opened
1073788139. Pizza delivery is at the front door
1073788140. Sleeping under the floor tiles
1073788141. On some floor, in some wiring closet, trying to fix things
1073788142. In the dumpster behind the building trying to get rid of
some frustration by using a sledgehammer on the Macs.
-- Koos van den Hout koos@kzdoos.xs4all.nl
1073788143. Because the trauma induced by repeated attempts to install
Solaris 2.5 pre-beta on an Intel system has forced him to seek
psychotherapy.
1073788144. Still trying to come down from inhaling too much tape head
cleaner.
-- Nick Cuccia cuccia@talamasca.com
1073788145. out chasing the rodents off of the twisted pair/power
lines
1073788146. gone home to sleep (1st time in x days)
1073788147. been convicted of computer crimes (vague reference to
randal schwartz)
1073788148. what was you're username?
-- Tim Bandy bandy@cs.umn.edu
1073788149. Emptying the bit buckets.
-- Michael Shields shields@tembel.org
1073788150. They finally caught him/her for that -big site-masacre
(s)he thought (s)he'd gotten away with.
-- Carlo Cozzi cozzi@otb.tudelft.nl
1073788151. ObReason n+x: Your system administrator is walking in
circles outside saying "TUESDAY? They want it by TUESDAY?
TUESDAY?"
-- Stephan Zielinski szielins@us.oracle.com
1073788152. rcp $FAV_RESTAURANT:$FAV_FOOD /dev/stomach
gurgle gurgle...
-- Shannon Robert Madsen madsen@cs.umn.edu
1073788153. Hiding in wiring closet.
1073788154. Outside having a smoke because it's illegal in the
building.
1073788155. On the roof of the building, contemplating jumping.
1073788156. On the roof of the building, contemplating which users to
throw off.
1073788157. On the roof of the building, contemplating traffic.
1073788158. On the roof of the building, contemplating.
-- Johan van Zanten johan@habanero.evtech.com
1073788159. In his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the
manager gets lots of calls from lusers who can't find the
sysAdmin.
1073788160. (for us part-timers only) In his/her manager's office,
trying to explain why the "real" (programming) work doesn't get
done. Manager doesn't understand -- when he gave you this job, he
said it would only take a couple of hours a week....
1073788161. Is in luser's office, trying to explain why "export
VAR=xxx" from one xterm window doesn't have any effect on the
other windows. "But they're all on the same Xstation -- what's the
problem?"
-- Michael Hartwig hartwig@lfs.loral.com
1073788162. Sysadmin's down in the administrative offices fixing one
of their DOS boxes.
-- Al Castanoli afcasta@texas.net
1073788163. He's out getting a caffine fix.
-- John Wanger jwagner@mental.mitre.org
1073788164. There's more caffeine than blood in his veins, and he was
last seen hopping down the hall pretending he was a pogo stick.
-- J.D. Falk jdfalk@cybernothing.org
Well the sysadmin is too busy
1073788165. 1) playing with the web
1073788166. 2) reading news
1073788167. 3) sleeping
1073788168. 4) reading other peoples email (not that I do this...)
1073788169. 5) installing the latest Xgame on the main fileserver...
(this is real cool)
-- Michael Miller mmiller@mars.cs.unp.ac.za
_________________________________________________________________
This page was created by J.D. Falk
_________________________________________________________________
<-- Back to the fun archive
<<-- Back to Andrzej Bort HomePage
--
Hrvoje Vulin at PMF Zagreb , CROATIA
URL: http://student.math.hr/~hvulin/
Mail: hvulin@student.math.hr
oz012vuh@mokos.srce.hr
--
---
Dino Novak (Dino.Novak@barok.foi.hr)
(Dino.Novak@public.srce.hr)
IBM AS/400 & DEC 3000 ALPHA AXP maintenance team
Faculty of Organisation and Informatics
Pavlinska 2. HR 42000 Varazdin
CROATIA
---
</pre>
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