This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not - and made the web department take it down
immediately. (In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the
world's chief suppliers of military aircraft...)

 ========================================================
                         AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
                              Important! Important!
                        Please fill out and mail this card
                            within 10 days of purchase.
=========================================================

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order  to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill
out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is
not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.

  1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss
     _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade
     _Classified _Other

     First Name:

     Initial:

     Last Name:

     Password:

     Code Name:

     Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:

  2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

     _F-14 Tomcat
     _F-15 Eagle
     _F-16 Falcon
     _F-117A Stealth
     _Classified

  3. Date of purchase (Month/Day/Year):

  4. Serial Number:

  5. Please check where this product was purchased:

     _Received as gift/aid package
     _Catalog showroom
     _Sleazy arms broker
     _Mail order
     _Discount store
     _Government surplus
     _Classified

  6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell
     Douglas product you have just purchased:

     _Heard loud noise, looked up
     _Store display
     _Espionage
     _Recommended by friend/relative/ally
     _Political lobbying by manufacturer
     _Was attacked by one

  7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced
     your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas
     product:

     _Style/appearance
     _Kickback/bribe
     _Recommended by salesperson
     _Speed/maneuverability
     _Comfort/convenience
     _McDonnell Douglas reputation
     _Advanced Weapons Systems
     _Price/value
     _Backroom politics
     _Negative experience opposing one in combat

  8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be
     used:

     _North America
     _Central/South America
     _Aircraft carrier
     _Europe
     _Middle East
     _Africa
     _Asia/Far East
     _Misc. Third World countries
     _Classified

  9. Please check the products that you currently own or
     intend to purchase in the near future:

     _Color TV
     _VCR
     _Killer Satellite
     _CD Player
     _Air-to-Air Missiles
     _Space Shuttle
     _Home Computer
     _Nuclear-Powered Aircraft Carrier
     _ Intercontinental Ballistic Missile

  10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
      (Check all that apply:)

     _Communist/Socialist
     _Terrorist
     _Crazed
     _Neutral
     _Democratic
     _Dictatorship
     _Corrupt
     _Primitive/Tribal

  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

      _Cash
      _Suitcases of cocaine
      _Oil revenues
      _Deficit spending
      _Personal check
      _Credit card
      _Ransom money
      _Traveler's check

  12. Your occupation:

      _Homemaker
      _Sales/marketing
      _Revolutionary
      _Clerical
      _Mercenary
      _Tyrant
      _Middle management
      _Eccentric billionaire
      _Defense Minister/General
      _Retired
      _Student

  13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please
      indicate the interests and activities in which you and your
      spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

      _Golf
      _Boating/sailing
      _Sabotage
      _Running/jogging
      _Propaganda/disinformation
      _Guerilla warfare
      _Default on loans
      _Gardening
      _Crafts
      _Black market/smuggling
      _Collectibles/collections
      _Watching sports on TV
      _Wines
      _Interrogation/torture
      _Household pets
      _Crushing rebellions
      _Espionage/reconnaissance
      _Fashion clothing
      _Border disputes
      _Mutually Assured Destruction

 Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers

 will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve
 you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings
and
 special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and

 mysterious consortia.

 Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?   Please write to:

 McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department,
  Military Aerospace Division, P.O. Box 800, St. Louis, MO